The 12 Steps of ADHD

The 12 steps of ADHD

1. We admitted we were powerless over ADHD – that our lives had become unmanageable.

I started to write out the 12 steps of Al-Anon and apply them to ADHD by inserting ‘ADHD’ in place of ‘alcohol’ or ‘alcoholism.’ It turns out that only the fist step mentions alcohol and the rest are about our own minds, attitudes, and relationships. This is incredible!

I am without a doubt powerless over my ADHD and it has made my life unmanageable – unlivable at some points – for just about as long as I can remember. It has impacted and continues to impact every area of my life I can think of:
Self-esteem
Education
Career
Relationships
Family
Friends
Sleep
Exercise
Eating
Drinking
Hobbies

I used to think the alcoholism in my family of origin was my biggest problem and was responsible for why I felt bad so often. I am starting to feel like although the alcoholism created some pain and shaped how I act in relationships, my ADHD is mostly the cause of my day-to-day frustrations and disappointments. Throughout my life, I could see what needed to be done but never had the energy or concentration to do it. Because of this I would punish and criticize myself for being lazy. I thought of myself as a very intelligent person who was wasting my talents.

My prevailing attitude in life has been: “Every desire I have is wrong or detrimental.”

In school I hated sitting still for every class but science.
In sports I hated practice but loved games.
I love playing music but hate practicing.

Not only did I hate studying, but most of the time – no matter how hard I tried- I couldn’t do it. There were times when I couldn’t read even a single sentence without feeling a deep physical revulsion. I approached studying the way most people approach scraping dog shit off their shoes. Where I think the alcoholism comes in is that at the same time I desperately needed approval from everyone in my life.

I noticed that very intelligent and/or educated people got a lot of approval and thought that this was my best option. Whenever I fell short in school it meant that I was failing at life which made me depressed. But I also noticed that depression helped me to sit still and hating myself gave me the motivation to study. Depression and self-criticism became my tools for squashing my perceived character defects. I entered into a battle royal with my ADHD that would be a fight to the death. Surrender, compromise, or relaxation were not viable options. If I couldn’t win then I would make sure there was nothing left for ADHD to claim victory over.

I’m not sure exactly when I came to this conclusion but I was still very young. How does a kid come to such a morbid conclusion?!?! This is true insanity! It’s not an insanity that I am solely responsible for creating, but it belongs entirely to me now.

If I were looking at someone else in my shoes now, what would I tell them? Forget about your family and focus on yourself. Find out what makes you happy. Find out what you like to do. Find some little way to experience enjoyment every day. Learn what it means to be happy. Learn what it means to be calm. Learn what it means to love. Do whatever it takes to be happy because you need it.

Life is funny. Life is fun. Life is interesting. My life is much more manageable and I am thankful everyday.